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Noozlympics 1: Basketball Players Accidentally Go To Brothel, China Gets Mad, Canadian Swimmer Flipping The Bird

Welcome to the first of our Olympics blogs, showcasing the weird and interesting #nooz that hasn't been reported prominently from the last couple of days.


Members Of US Basketball Team Mistake Spa For Brothel


If you are about to begin a campaign in the Olympics, and you have a match against China coming up you would want to make sure you are relaxed and ready to go.


Well this is what DeAndre Jordan (Los Angeles Clippers), DeMarcus Cousins (Sacramento Kings) and DeMar DeRozan (Toronto Raptors) were intending when they decided to head to what they thought was a spa.


Unfortunately for them (or maybe fortunately), they then figured out that it was indeed not a spa but a brothel. It is being reported that they then swiftly exited Termas Monte Carlo, the high end 'spa'


Chinese Media Blast Horton and Australian Media


O boy look out! The Global Times, basically the Chinese Communist Party Paper, are taking part in some of their favorite pastimes, pretending that free speech isn't a thing and publishing ridiculous opinion peace's.


Before the 400m freestyle on the weekend, Australian swimmer Mack Horton was asked What he thought of Chinese swimmer Sun Yang and South Korea's Park Tae (both whom have been guilty of doping) competing in the games, to which he responded, "I don't have time or respect for drug cheats."


After Horton overthrew Yang for gold in the 400 Metres freestyle, Yang then broke down in tears.


Horton then backed up his comments saying that he had a "problem" with competing athletes who had positive tests in the past.


Yang is super big in China, despite being in a bunch of controversy in the past, such as serving a secret ban for doping in 2014, and it's this hero status in China which made it blow up on social media as well as in the Chinese media.


The global Times then thought they would weigh in with an extremely entertaining opinion peace, saying:


"It is understandable that Horton might have harbored disrespect for Sun for some time. He couldn't hold in his cynical smugness after beating Sun, and the Australian media recklessly spread Horton's rude speech.


"If Horton won the competition by disrupting his rival in an immoral way, his win is disgraceful, and not in line with the spirit of the Olympics. While challenging another's morality, Horton didn't act morally.


"Actually we think Australia should feel embarrassed with Horton's remarks. Otherwise, we would be surprised by some Australians' sense of collective self-esteem."


So apparently it's Now "not in line" with the spirit of the Olympics to want clean and doping free sport. Let's get Russia back in then.


And now to the best quotes of the in tire article...


"We don't know if it is Horton who is silly or it's the Australian media that is evil, or perhaps Australia just has a different moral standard. The message sent is abnormal and aberrant.


"It's not a big deal to us. In many serious essays written by Westerners, Australia is mentioned as a country at the fringes of civilization. In some cases, they refer to the country's early history as Britain's offshore prison. This suggests that no one should be surprised at uncivilized acts emanating from the country. We should think the same way."


Absolutely fantastic stuff right there. Please Global Times, keep providing great content like this.


Canadian Swimmer Flips His Dad The finger


And a bit of fun news, at the start of every race, Canadian swimmer Santo Condorelli has a very interesting routine to get him pumped for the race, flipping his dad the bird.


When Condorelli was eight, he became frustrated whilst racing and losing against older swimmers, so his father came up with the fantastic idea to flip dad the bird.


"You've got to build your confidence yourself and say eff everybody else that you're racing," Santo said to the Canadian Braudcasting Corperation. "He said 'Every time you're behind the blocks, give me the finger and I'll give it back to you."


More to come in the coming days.


Nathan 08.08.2016 1 429
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  •  mikelangelo: 

    LOL "brothel" has more letters than "SPA" , how would they be confused.. #CrazyNooz !

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08.08.2016 (1214 days ago)
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